One of the plans God has for His children is to have peaceful and prosperous marriages (Gen. 1:28). So why do couples go their separate ways after some years of marriage? What are the causes of divorce in Christian marriages? 

Many Bible verses point out the fact that God is not pleased with divorce (Malachi 2: 16, Mark 10: 11–12, Matthew 19: 6). But believers still have this unpleasant experience because of some seemingly trivial attitudes. 

Let’s take a look at some of the common factors that lead to divorce among Christian couples. 

10 Causes of Divorce in Christian Marriages

1. Unforgiveness

Being able to let go of offenses is one of the attributes of a loving spouse. No matter how hard couples try, they will have disagreements. Sometimes, they may say hurtful words to each other out of anger. 

Nevertheless, they must apologize and forgive each other (Matthew 6:14). If one spouse always takes days or weeks to let go of offenses, there will be a problem in the marriage. 

Unforgiveness in marriage has a lot of disadvantages. It leads to bitterness, which can hinder prayers. When prayers are hindered, couples may begin to experience difficulties in all areas of their lives. 

This often results in a lack of joy and peace in the marriage. And it’s only a matter of time before the marriage collapses.  

2. Extramarital Affairs

In most cases, finding out a spouse is cheating causes a lack of trust in them. Once trust is lost, the marriage is doomed to fail. 

Hebrews 13:4 says, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous". 

Sometimes, couples engage in extramarital affairs by having immoral conversations with strangers. 

Several Christian men ask random ladies on social media platforms for nude pictures and think it is harmless. Married women also meet their ex-boyfriends without their husbands’ knowledge.

Remaining faithful to one’s partner is one of the ways to please God and enjoy a long-lasting marriage. 

3. Laziness

Living with a lazy spouse can be frustrating and uncomfortable. For a marriage to progress, the husband and wife must be willing to put in the effort. 

But when one spouse sleeps all day and the other pays the bills, the marriage will not survive. 

There have been cases of men who pretended to have well-paying jobs before marriage. And it was after marriage that their spouses realized they were having financial problems.

1 Timothy 5:8 says, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 

God is pleased with diligent people, and He always rewards them (Proverbs 22:29). 

Marriage requires a lot of responsibility, both at home and at work. If one spouse is hardworking and the other is lazy, the marriage may not experience meaningful progress. The diligent spouse may get tired and lose interest in the marriage. 

4. Lack of Intimacy

Genesis 2:25 says, "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed". Sexual intimacy in marriage is not a sin. Still, some believers find it hard to express themselves freely with their spouses. 

So they prefer to spend all their time in the church instead of being at home. When it comes to intimacy, many married men and women are so rigid that they’ll always look for excuses to avoid it.

1 Corinthians 7:3 says, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband."

Constant rejection from a spouse can make the other feel unwanted. Gradually, they’ll begin to look for a way out of the marriage if they can’t endure it any longer. 

5. Lack of Attention

Understandably, trying to pay the bills can make couples work for several hours a day. Regardless, they should be able to create a balance between home and work. 

Some believers hardly spend enough time with their spouses. Even when they’re not at work, they’ll be at one Christian program or another. If the other partner complains about the lack of attention, they’ll call them a nag. 

Proverbs 24:3 says, "By wisdom, a house is built, and by understanding, it is established." Wise couples understand that their partners will always need them. 

If a man neglects his wife for a long time, she will learn to live without him. Also, if a woman doesn’t give attention to her husband, he will move on without her. 

6. Disrespect

According to Ephesians 5:22, the wives are admonished to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. In verse 25, husbands are commanded to love their wives, even as Christ also loved the Church. 

In addition to love and submission, mutual respect is also important in Christian marriages. 

Many Christian wives respect their pastors more than they respect their husbands. Some men also treat their friends and family better than they treat their wives. Issues like this often cause resentment between couples. 

Several couples take their spouses for granted, especially in public. They talk to their partners anyhow they wish to, without considering their feelings. 

Any form of disrespect in marriage is unacceptable, especially if it happens regularly. There will come a time when the affected partner will not be able to take it any longer. 

If their faith is not strong enough, they may leave the marriage without looking back. 

7. Abuse

When it comes to abuse in Christian marriages, it can take any form. Some men are not physically abusive to their wives, but they are emotionally abusive. On the other hand, many women are verbally abusive to their husbands. 

Any form of abuse can make the home uninviting for the spouse suffering from it. If a man’s wife verbally abuses him all the time, he’ll prefer to spend time at the office than to go home. In a case where a man abuses his wife emotionally, she will always find a way to avoid him.

Ephesians 4:31 says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice."

When a man is not happy to be around his wife as a result of constant insults, he will soon get fed up with the marriage. Instead of enduring the marriage, he may decide to move on with his life to experience peace. 

8. Ingratitude

Showing appreciation for the little things encourages a spouse to do more. Many verses of the Scriptures admonish believers to always express gratitude to God (Phil. 4:6-7; 1 Thess. 5:16–18). 

God loves it when believers appreciate everything He has done. He also loves it when individuals show gratitude to one another. 

Some spouses only appreciate the "big" things and complain about the "small" things. No matter how hard their partner tries, they’ll always have something to complain about. 

This attitude can be hurtful, considering the stress the unappreciated spouse goes through to do all they do. 

When ingratitude becomes a habit in marriage, it may cause anger and resentment. Over time, little issues will lead to fights, causing the spouses to grow apart. 

9. Third-Party Interference

Unsolicited advice and opinions from friends, and religious leaders can cause a marriage to fall apart. There’s nothing wrong with seeking advice from experts when couples are having marital problems. After all, Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no guidance, a person falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety. However, there should be a limit to how they contribute to issues in the family. 

In some Christian marriages, the in-laws control the affairs in the home. Pastors are running the affairs in many homes too. 

When issues arise, the wife will call the pastor’s wife instead of settling issues with her husband. 

Interference from in-laws can also cause a lot of problems in Christian marriages. If the couples are not careful enough, their marriage may come to an end.

10. Pride 

One of the common causes of divorce in Christian marriages is pride. If a spouse doesn’t apologize when they are wrong, the marriage will soon fall apart. 

God doesn’t support prideful people. In fact, James 4:6 says, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

Due to their achievements and wealth, certain believers are so full of themselves. They treat people badly, including their spouses. Even though they attend all church programs, their behaviors do not reflect the teachings of Christ. 

A proud man or woman will hardly listen to corrections from their spouse. They will always want to show off. Additionally, they will always want to do things their way without being questioned.

Pride can lead to the destruction of a marriage, especially if both partners exhibit the behavior. 

Conclusion 

Under normal circumstances, married men and women don’t just wake up one day and walk out of their marriages. 

Most of the time, they would have been complaining about certain things over and over. And when they can’t endure it any longer, they’ll have no choice but to move on.

The book of Songs of Solomon 2:15 says, "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom". 

Certain factors that seem minor in marriages, including unforgiveness, disrespect, laziness, and pride, can cause divorce. Hence, all Christian couples should follow biblical principles so that they can have peaceful, long-lasting marriages.