Surviving a Divorce with 8 Days of Expressive Writing
Already having lost the person you love does not mean that you have to lose yourself. In fact, you can benefit from this experience as in any other situation. We learn the most about ourselves when we're put in situations that make us reevaluate ourselves, and that is a lesson like no other. What we have for you is eight days of self-reflection, where we will be discussing what steps you can take to help you overcome the sadness and pain you feel and, at the same time, learn more about the kind of person you are. You also have the opportunity to journal your thoughts down based on each lesson we provide you every day. Keeping your thoughts in one place will not only help you keep track of your progress but journaling it out will help you vent your frustrations and feelings in a productive and therapeutic manner. Journaling your thoughts and feelings about the breakup can be beneficial. People aren't always available when you need to express yourself, and some feelings or thoughts may be too personal to share with others. The process of writing out your sentiments can be incredibly liberating, and it can frequently provide you with a new perspective on things.
Step 1: Let Yourself Feel to Heal
Sadness, anger, uncertainty, resentment, jealousy, anxiety, and regret are just a few of the powerful and negative sentiments that commonly accompany a breakup. If you try to deny these feelings, you'll probably prolong the grieving process and perhaps get caught in it completely.
Shock/denial, bargaining, anger, despair, and eventually acceptance are common phases of grief. Extreme grief appears to last an eternity, but we do not react in healthy ways. Several circumstances may likely exacerbate your negative feelings, including not being the one who chose to end the relationship.
- Not anticipating the breakup.
- This is your first long-term relationship.
- Your only genuine close friend is your ex.
- Continually bumping into your ex.
- You felt whole or complete after the connection.
- Your ex began dating someone right away.
- Imagining your ex having sexual relations with their new lover.
- Believing that your ex is the one person in the world who can make you happy.
Step 2: Don't Personalize The Loss
"Despite the fact that most states have passed no-fault divorce laws, fault and blame continue to play a large role in the ways that divorces develop," says author Sam Margulies Ph.D., Esq.
It's much more useful to think of the ending as the outcome of competing wants and incompatibilities that aren't anyone's fault. Each person in a relationship attempts to meet their own needs, and some people can assist each other in satisfying those needs, while others are not.
It's natural to blame oneself after a breakup, but don't dwell on the loss for too long. Much of the hurt of a breakup comes from blaming yourself for the breakup and regretting your decisions during that time. If you let it, this vicious cycle of self-blame can carry on indefinitely.
Step 3: Self-Care is Necessary
Even though you may be sad and depressed due to the breakup, self-care refers to ensuring that your basic needs are wholly satisfied. Even if you don't feel like eating, do so anyway and attempt to make good food choices. Allow plenty of time for sleep and rest, especially if this is difficult for you. Sleep deprivation will only make things worse. Maintaining or beginning an exercise plan might help you feel better physically and mentally. Keep in mind that exercise releases endorphins, making you feel better.
Because going through a breakup can cause upheaval in many areas of your life, sticking to your routines will provide you with a sense of stability and regularity.
Although temporarily removing certain expectations from yourself will help, returning to your daily routines soon after the breakup can help you calm down and regain control of your life.
Step 4: Learn Your Lessons
It's difficult to realize it when you're going through a traumatic breakup. Still, there are opportunities to develop and learn when you're going through an emotional crisis. You may be now experiencing nothing but emptiness and unhappiness in your life, but that doesn't indicate that things will never change. Consider this moment in your life a break, a chance to plant the seeds of new growth. You can learn more about yourself and feel stronger and wiser due to this experience.
Colette Bouchez, the author of seven women's health books, including Lifestyle Advice for the Best Years of Your Life, told WebMD that five key values might help you come to know yourself better. These values can help you figure out what you desire from a partner. You'll fully know yourself, according to Bouchez, if you grasp your emotional needs, establish your love pattern, test drive a potential relationship, and go in for a three-month checkup while you're dating. You'll know exactly what your heart and mind need and desires if you grasp your basic principles.
Step 5: Get Closure
Social psychologist Arie Kruglanski created the term "need for closure" in the 1990s. Of course, you may never know the precise objective reason why things did not turn out as you had intended. Working out your thoughts and feelings, on the other hand, permits you to reach a satisfactory conclusion. That brings the story to a close. Even if you were the one who brought the relationship to an end, you need closure after a breakup. The closure is necessary because:
- To make sense of what happened, your brain needs an honest narrative.
- You may find yourself returning to a failed relationship if you don't get closure.
- You can be bound to repeat the same relationship patterns repeatedly without ever getting closure.
- Getting closure allows you to be your best self – and, when the time comes, a better future partner in a happier relationship.
Step 6: Do A Social Media Cleanse
When a split is still fresh, finding out what your ex is up to can set off a chain reaction of emotions. Block, mute, unfollow, and unfriend your ex—and any of their friends or family—on social media to spare yourself the anguish of experiencing their Life After You.
Keeping friends with an ex on Facebook was linked to a more difficult emotional recovery from a breakup and less personal growth, according to a 2012 study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, which surveyed 464 participants.
Step 7: Go Out And Meet People
"When you're grieving the loss of a relationship, reaching out and connecting with friends may be quite useful," says Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, director and sex therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in NYC. He claims that chatting to someone who cares about you about the breakup and your current mental and emotional state might help you feel supported. "Those ties have the potential to be extremely nourishing."
However, be cautious about revealing every idea about your ex with your friends. According to Marianna Strongin, Psy.D., PLLC, a New York psychologist, Excessive chatting about your ex might hinder healing. "Make sure you're chatting about other issues, not linked to your ex, as well," Kahn advises. Trust each other; your friendship will benefit as a result. Making arrangements with your friends and family during a difficult time might help you avoid hermiting, which can stifle your growth.
Step 8: Time Is Important
It's impossible to say how long it will take you to get over an ex. The good news is that science says you will eventually. Researchers found that the more space you have after a breakup, the more emotionally you heal; according to a study published in the Review of General Psychology. They concluded by writing, "We have a mechanism in our brains designed by natural selection to pull us through a very tumultuous time in our lives...it suggests people will recover; the pain will go away with time."
"Try not to condemn yourself for how long it takes you to get over your ex," Kahn advises. Instead, take solace in the fact that you will not be this way forever.